hey guys. im going to leave tomorrow. i was heading home from the library yesterday and i was thinking about how different i was from my past. i guess im really quite different. im a ghost/shell of my past. haha i know this sounds like some bullshit because im only 17 but somethings not what it used to be. i really feel so void of something. Dont shoot me if i say that im really missing God. I really havent been the God-fearing kid anymore. I used to be that kind of kid and somehow i quite miss being that boy. Right now, i really havent been attending service regularly and i havent gone for cell since (i dont know when!) I dont know whether the state of what i am now or the feelings that i have now has anything to do with my distancing away from God. I really dont know. I know this is going to provoke a few tags but i just hope that you all dont come flying in with answers and advice(well-meant). I just needed to list and note some things down on my blog. Maybe i should keep a personal blog or journal.

Another issue thats really bugging me is that girl that i've known since the beginning of this year. honestly, i dont know i stand in our friendship. Of course im looking for some degree of closeness but im not a monster trying to gobble up all your time. At first i thought it was going on really fine and dainty, but slowly as our seasons knocked on the door, there was this prolonged period of silence. I dont know whether she feels it but i sure do. firstly, to start on a clean slate, we're not together(never was) just to inform all the buggers out there. ARGH, its complicated and you people dont understand. i cant just walk up to her and say "whats wrong?" SCULLY shes just busy or that her phone was spoilt and i blow it all up. But it cant possibly be that she doesnt reply me for 24hours and still counting. Maybe i should just call her but i dont want to intrude either.

EMO EMO EMO. lol. Somehow i still remember some quotes from twelfth night. I have to go now. i'll come back at night to give one final entry