I wanted to blog about a couple of things for past 2 days but i just couldnt find the inspiration and words to put what i feel into a sentence. Maybe what i've been going through is just too hard to simplify with words that are just wanton and fickle and doing so would be injustice to it while to some it might even be some sort of self-pity or even to the extent of exaggeration.

Anyway the exams have been a spirit-breaker. My motivation and drive to study was slaughtered and murdered. Maybe i didnt put enough effort into it in the first place but now i really doubt my intelligence. Maybe i would be better off somewhere else where maybe i would have gotten a different experience and culture. But i really dont regret that i've come to VJ because i have indeed gained a couple of learning points but i also have lost my spirit and my character. The will to have fun and the will to strive forward, i dont know where it went to. Did it hide behind the door when i came or did i lose it along the way. My studies, my friends. I've let both down. I havent even put in effort to befriend my nice class. They're honestly nice bunch but i didnt give them a chance and its quite late to just slot right back in. i thought i could survive. I'm really held in a tight corner with my studies and soccer. If you know what being a soccer player is in VJ, studies is very important and its takes a hell lot to balance both.

The only thing im glad about is that i managed to catch with my old gang. Zhao and crew. Without them, i would have been all alone during the hols and the cynism that lives in me would have burrowed right into the marrow of my bones and eaten my heart alive leaving screaming on the inside. I spent almost everyday that i was singapore with them. Hell, it was supreme fun, almost as golden as the days back in vs.

How can we be friends if this continues.
Dont you want at least a friendship.