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Thursday, June 29, 2006 I wanted to blog about a couple of things for past 2 days but i just couldnt find the inspiration and words to put what i feel into a sentence. Maybe what i've been going through is just too hard to simplify with words that are just wanton and fickle and doing so would be injustice to it while to some it might even be some sort of self-pity or even to the extent of exaggeration. Anyway the exams have been a spirit-breaker. My motivation and drive to study was slaughtered and murdered. Maybe i didnt put enough effort into it in the first place but now i really doubt my intelligence. Maybe i would be better off somewhere else where maybe i would have gotten a different experience and culture. But i really dont regret that i've come to VJ because i have indeed gained a couple of learning points but i also have lost my spirit and my character. The will to have fun and the will to strive forward, i dont know where it went to. Did it hide behind the door when i came or did i lose it along the way. My studies, my friends. I've let both down. I havent even put in effort to befriend my nice class. They're honestly nice bunch but i didnt give them a chance and its quite late to just slot right back in. i thought i could survive. I'm really held in a tight corner with my studies and soccer. If you know what being a soccer player is in VJ, studies is very important and its takes a hell lot to balance both. The only thing im glad about is that i managed to catch with my old gang. Zhao and crew. Without them, i would have been all alone during the hols and the cynism that lives in me would have burrowed right into the marrow of my bones and eaten my heart alive leaving screaming on the inside. I spent almost everyday that i was singapore with them. Hell, it was supreme fun, almost as golden as the days back in vs. How can we be friends if this continues.
Dont you want at least a friendship. Sunday, June 25, 2006 Lie to me Give me something worth living for Tell me a reason worth dying for Give me anything Anything to keep me breathing Lie to me Tell me stories so beautiful An epic, or something so terrible That it makes me weep ITS NOT THAT IM EMO. But i just found a band that i used to listen alot to! School starts tomorrow. Please let my exams be good and make it past fast please.
Saturday, June 24, 2006 HELLO and BYE. i need to go off to play soccer.What happen? Alcohol is a good depressant. Helps you relax. Please, even the slightest thing would do Friday, June 23, 2006 i did 2 math papers, 2 chapters of physics and WON $12.75. i feel pretty happy but nevermind, i wont drag on my miseries. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for me. im really tired. been sighing so often. maybe its a cocktail of exhaustion and burden. you know, just please let the hands turn backwards while everything slows down.Thursday, June 22, 2006 You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do Cause I'll never be with you. I wanted to blog about this when i came back but i kinda forgot but when i walked back home along the narrow path, the sky was dark (duh its was 1036pm) The stars were hidden behind those ominous clouds that outlined the sky. When i was on the plane back home, i was above the clouds and i could really see plenty of stars right out of my Window.The kind of feeling that its as if you can just pluck one star from right outside your window (maybe i could have given one to you).I kept staring out of the Window, looking at the stars that litted up the black night. i could see my faint reflection of my eyes in that Window. It was beautiful (: And after a while my eyes gently closed, still imagining the twinkles right outside my Window.Tracing it on my Window with my mind. Somehow it looked familiar, like i had seen it before.. Well the stars went back into hiding when i woke up. But i was still above the clouds and i could see the horizon. It was drawn in an orangey-hue that fitted perfectly into the baby-blue sky that painted my Window.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 theres a hockey game on tv now! I admit, its really hard to play hockey and its really exciting especially when its the guys match. THEY HAVE MUSCULAR ARMS and THEY MOVE THE BALL FAST. MAybe the only thing that is different is that in soccer you can really counter much faster but i gues thats because running with the small puny ball is pretty hard and hard to get in full stride unless you push and run. OH WELL. Anyway india is owning south korea. They really much more skillful and you really can tell the difference between india and korea. india solid la sial. anyway the match is postponed i think because theres a downpour. yeah hockeys an exciting. i understand.Monday, June 19, 2006 haha i spent the whole day sleepin! anyway i went for a jog in the evening and i totally was exhausted! haha i planning to jog at least 30min every day to get rid of the fats! alright i go off now! WORLD CUP! Oh i updated pictures. go see! Mr khoo. faster meet me i've got something for you! Anyway im back from the lands of mother russia. It was really quite nice over there. BUt as the days got on i got bored of all the cathedrals, churches and old buildings. but we had some folklore thing which was really very fun! They really could dance and sing like some dogs la. Well i managed to catch some world cup over there too. the matches were timed just nicely so that when i got back to the hotel they would be playing. WAIT i need to shit now. i come back to blog later. KK im done. i dont know why but i've been shitting like everyday once or twice. thats suppose to be good right.anyyway THE GIRLS IN RUSSIA ARE SO HOT/SEXY/PRETTY/SHAPELY!!!! haha but honestly they are pretty (most la) Alright enough about that. err to tell you the truth its only good to go there once not like countries like bangkok. And if you think its really cheap over there because its "communist" well you're WRONG dogg.Its not dirt cheap over there and its just like any other european country. Anyway St Petersburg is a much lovlier place to be in than moscow. EH I GOT PROBLEM WITH MY PICTURES. how to use photobucket and put a link on my blog? anyway thanks guys for the advice. i hope it gets better (: it should (: haha im lucky i know but i dont know about her! alright jocce if you want to go out with me you got to msg me! my number is 92995140 haha i think i forgot to give you my new number too. hello mel! nice hearing from you. im doing fine i guess. i hope the weathers nice over there. winter is it? keep warm(snuggle up with someone la) hah yeah mich i added you too! see you in school soon. (STUDY..) KK i got to go now! bye. Thursday, June 08, 2006 If you call me today I'll say that I'm fine But I bet you can tell by the tone of my voice It's just a lie You knew what you had You still walked away leaving me in this mess My love for you is deep and meaningless hey guys. im going to leave tomorrow. i was heading home from the library yesterday and i was thinking about how different i was from my past. i guess im really quite different. im a ghost/shell of my past. haha i know this sounds like some bullshit because im only 17 but somethings not what it used to be. i really feel so void of something. Dont shoot me if i say that im really missing God. I really havent been the God-fearing kid anymore. I used to be that kind of kid and somehow i quite miss being that boy. Right now, i really havent been attending service regularly and i havent gone for cell since (i dont know when!) I dont know whether the state of what i am now or the feelings that i have now has anything to do with my distancing away from God. I really dont know. I know this is going to provoke a few tags but i just hope that you all dont come flying in with answers and advice(well-meant). I just needed to list and note some things down on my blog. Maybe i should keep a personal blog or journal. Another issue thats really bugging me is that girl that i've known since the beginning of this year. honestly, i dont know i stand in our friendship. Of course im looking for some degree of closeness but im not a monster trying to gobble up all your time. At first i thought it was going on really fine and dainty, but slowly as our seasons knocked on the door, there was this prolonged period of silence. I dont know whether she feels it but i sure do. firstly, to start on a clean slate, we're not together(never was) just to inform all the buggers out there. ARGH, its complicated and you people dont understand. i cant just walk up to her and say "whats wrong?" SCULLY shes just busy or that her phone was spoilt and i blow it all up. But it cant possibly be that she doesnt reply me for 24hours and still counting. Maybe i should just call her but i dont want to intrude either. Let concealment, like a worm i'th'bud Feed on her damask cheek. She pined in though, And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like Patience on a monument Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed? EMO EMO EMO. lol. Somehow i still remember some quotes from twelfth night. I have to go now. i'll come back at night to give one final entry
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Charles You never know whats going to hit you About me Victoria School Friends harryKK sexsirenzhao jeshri ruth trili jafnie andrea fiona cassidy syen yuin hakeem xuanyi shirley wan emeline raj candice shirley j-wei dennis najid jiezhen Doodleboard < |
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Reinventing Your Exit
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The Beautiful Mistake |